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Cognitive Dissonance

by The Sound of Modesty

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    Cognitive Dissonance CD in 4 Panel Wallet

    Album artwork taken by Diana Patient

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1.
I had never felt the summer rain you'd like to watch Dancing in the mountainous lush You had never heard the mute of voices in the dark Screaming in my ears to get past I almost let myself believe That I could carry on Waiting for it all to go wrong But moments turned to seasons Into everything right Then I finally realized Why was I so cold Why did I keep holding onto pieces Of another time Of another life I'm stuck behind Why was I so cold Why did I keep holding onto this Cause in the night time I was on my own Here with you I'm not alone In the night time I was on my own Here with you I'm not alone We had never watched the brink of night from up above Bleed into a sonorous rush You had a voice that spoke just like a home I used to love And everything that I never was I almost let myself believe that I could carry on Waiting for the sun to break dawn But walking by your side I think I understand now Why I let my guard down Why was I so cold Why did I keep holding onto pieces Of another time Of another life I'm stuck behind Why was I so cold Why did I keep holding onto this Cause In the night time I was on my own Here with you I'm not alone In the night time I was on my own Here with you I'm not alone Why am I so cold Why do I keep holding onto pieces Of another time Of another life I'm stuck behind Why am I so cold Why do I keep holding onto you In the night time I was on my own Here with you I'm not alone In the night time I was on my own Here with you I'm not alone A voice as soft as summer rain You were softer summer rain
2.
Lavender Ink 06:05
January night, a lonely view Only shop in sight, washed in neon hues He says “Tell me my dear, what do you want to see?” Varsouviana, stuck on repeat I’m back again That lonely place Still gagging on the tears Of all my saving grace Hold it down old bragging heart, Coiling up inside, the memories start He wipes my skin clean, dripping agonies The iron’s down in three, two... Lock the door It’s a riot up there On all cold limbs, bent over, wheezing filthy air Those banging fists Still call a name It’s such a shame it took this long to feel again Lavender ink Tell me what to think Lavender ink Tell me what to think Still feels like a dream Clinging onto Palely aching skin Scarred Prussian blue Please carve it in deep, where it’s not hard to see I can’t forget the words she said to me Now he’s in control Lay back and rest Just let the needles flow until there’s nothing’s left Lavender ink I don’t want to think Lavender ink Pull me from the brink Hold me down Hold me down
3.
thick coat of arms, of hearts to adore endure, cause I’d take nothing more where’s my round of applause? another broken door lights on, i’m still impure cold feet and frozen floors i thought i’d finally be finished it’s not the first time that I’m wrong so pull up with your 8 seat driver I’ll run up only in my socks he’s going 30mph so play some hendrix while we wait for the screaming in my head to set me straight cause we are nothing more cause we are nothing more cause we are nothing more cause we are nothing more those phantom tears so bittersweet smoke burning back to black come wrap your feathers round me maybe I won’t pull back stare down that haunting silhouette till we forget our face and the silence in my head will take its place cause we are nothing more i used to think there was something to live for but i don’t know anymore i used to think you knew it all now I understand you didn’t know what you were looking for that I know what you were looking for that you know just what you’re looking for that I know what I was looking for warm floors now I’m sure that we are nothing more than cold bodies and warm thick coat of arms of hearts to mourn ensure that I take nothing more another perfect score to you, I’m nothing more cold feet and frozen floors
4.
Once upon an autumn flare You promised me we weren’t the same That crimson veil and chalky face Stuck repeating dusty frames Once upon a summer rain We promised we would never change Now lying separate; and awake Running our ghosts over the ache Once upon a winter haze You promised me we’d ever grey Now I count out, day by day For something new to take our place Once upon a perfect may You promised me we’d break away Now I have these dusty frames To play it back again, again, again, again and again Once upon a perfect blue You promised me we weren’t the same Now I watch your dusty face And play it back again and again and again and again and again
5.
Ma, I swear I won’t make a sound When I hit the ground on both my knees You sleep so violently quiet For someone so restlessly free I know that you wanted more from every dream that I could adore So tuck me in with a head full of every yearning you once called yours so effortless and pure Ma, promise me you won’t be around When I hit the ground on both my feet Instead you’ll be far away Back to yesterday When life was still sweeter than this I know that I wanted more from you than all that was ever yours so I’ll let this effortlessness bleed over the edge Till I can see you again Can’t you see a happy ending’s pointless now I already know you’re dying to lose yourself So whisper just before you sleep How we were always worthwhile And I’ll keep her safe in my dreams
6.
Cause no one told you no before Cause no one told you Cause no one told you no before Remember when mother’s love was enough to drift away Remember when mother’s love was enough to make you stay Now I know there’s darkness in your heart Where did I go wrong Where did I go wrong I never raised you like this To feed the monster inside What was mother’s love to you Isn’t ignorance bliss Now you’re paying the price What was mother’s love to you Remember the blood you thirsted for Soaked into my veins Remember when mother’s love was enough just to throw away Now I know there’s darkness in your heart Where did I go wrong Where did I go wrong I never raised you like this To feed the monster inside What was mother’s love to you I never wanted you to Hold hate in your eyes Every consequence Is just a mother’s love Just a mother’s Just a mother’s love Just a mother’s I never raised you like this To feed the monster inside What was mother’s love to you I never wanted you to Hold hate in your eyes Every consequence Is just a mother’s love Just a mother’s Just a mother’s love Just a mother’s
7.
I’ve seen it all before To know how this goes Scrub the years off my skin Watch ghosts drowning below Now I am a sun About to implode Dyeing away all my sins Let my colours show You’ll breathe on the glass Of all I misspoke You won’t ever let me win I won’t let it go No one ever told me it’d be so painful to try No one ever told me it’d be so easy, so easy to lie
8.
Cold Open 03:42
it’s been years since black sunlight hair had felt so thin now I wait over there an alien did you ever imagine it? that hostile accent and eyes of despair did you ever contemplate how I would be compensated? this will never be home but I can always dream
9.
Last night, your eyes were miles away Up late, only sounds Tongues steal the blame Grey daylight clawing through the shades Casting shadows of our shame Stalemate again Why must it always end with days to spend? Stalemate once more Am I just a chore to you? écoutes tu? écoutes tu? Sat at arms-reach My hands count down the moments left to lose Your lips smack me cold With how long our golden days are overdue And just like that you flew Stalemate anew You know that I gave it all to be with you Stalemate me please At least the weight of silence... Stalemate anew You know that I gave it all to be with you Stalemate me please At least the weight of silence will pull me through écoutes tu?
10.
Darker circles You’d never let me get a night’s sleep From crying, into dangerous dreams I couldn’t mend My seat stayed empty Cause money never did grow on trees And all your younger years so quickly got swept away Maybe in the end You’ll understand why I’ve gone grey Surely you must know it was all for you Maybe in the end You’ll understand why I’m this way (this way) Cause loving you is so high maintenance And the cost to keep you shining’s climbed Loving you’s just so high maintenance that I can’t think about us losing time To you I’ve just been turning off But I’d do it again every time If it means you’ll smile If it means you’ll smile Still you test me Even when we’re over oceans and lies The colours of fear in your eyes Look just like me So maybe in the end You’ll understand the price I paid Surely you must know it was all for you Maybe in the end You’ll understand why I’m this way (this way) Cause loving you is so high maintenance And the cost to keep you shining’s climbed Loving you’s just so high maintenance that I pretty sure I’ve lost my mind To you I’ve just been turning off But I’d do it again every time If it means you’ll smile To you I’ve just been turning off But I’d do it again every time If it means you’ll smile You best know I won’t be around much longer child And I know we’re strangers now (now) You best know I won’t be around much longer child But I’ll still remember holding you in my arms
11.
I had that dream when you first told me that life wasn’t fair I stuck out my tongue and you ripped it up into cold iron air my buds kept on floating for something sweet but it was elusive you can disagree you’re too painful to please but you know it’s the truth I never raised you to be weak this time you’ve gone too far sit down you gasoline freak cause judging from all of the scars as all things should be I know you’re not one so don’t stare so melancholy when you don’t belong another agony to eat cause only I know what you are he loved me like a shining sun but I’m still your own flesh and blood as all things should be I know I’m not one I won’t stare so melancholy and we’ll move on I had that dream when you first showed me that life wasn’t fair
12.
I know you can’t sleep at night I know it hurts to close your eyes Into the darkness of a dawn Watching her face fade from the walls Please hold on a little longer Before it’s too late to make amends You raised us to be much stronger So you don’t have to lose your head Who All your excuses couldn’t hide Every truth you caged inside And in its place we’ll finally mourn Pieces of you we used to scorn Please let go a little longer I know it’s too late to make amends Because of you we’ll be much stronger So you don’t have to lose your head So tell us when you were younger How the world still ached to hold her hand And now you might be doing better But the damage will always be there Will always be there Remember her I know it hurts I know it hurts I know it hurts to close your eyes I know it hurts I know it hurts I know it hurts to close your eyes I know it hurts I know you’re scared to close your eyes I know you’re hurt I know you’re hurt I know you’re hurt cause so am I

credits

released May 20, 2022

Mastered by: Ryan Chan
Album Artwork by Diana Patient
Recorded at Leeds Conservatoire

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The Sound of Modesty London, UK

"a young, ambitious singer-songwriter from London whose music is a magical blend of Japanese inspired heavy rock and modernist electronic pop."

- Bethany Burgoyne at Reform The Funk

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